Follow the Leader

So, what do you do when your heart and head pull in different directions? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess everyone has had this dilemma. I tend to contradict myself a lot because I'm a tested left-brained individual, but I don't actually trust my mind to come up with the greatest conclusions. I know that I live in a material and immaterial world. Logic is not king.

One of my favorite writers, Harold Hill (seriously, check out his stuff), calls our brain the EIB, which stands for 'educated idiot box'...and he was a genius engineer guy! After he came to Jesus, he found that following his intellect could only get him to the top, and then what? He was miserable! Christianity gave him new-found life because he learned that his understanding was severely limited. Having one hand on the world (or ourselves, or people we love, or money, or whatever) and one hand on Jesus is a recipe for disaster that the Bible calls duplicity (being double-minded in all our ways).

Why do I bring this up? Because I had to kick my EIB into the ditch the other day...and what's worse, now I have to justify it to the people around me.

My husband grew up in the suburbs. He had a dream that probably only himself and his siblings knew about, and it was to be a 'christian cowboy' . We still don't fully know what that means, but since not even he can explain it, I'll assume it was a vision from the Lord given to his young boy heart. This manifested in the suburbs with a fascination with motorcycles. He has been without flesh or steel horse now for nearly a decade...but the man has still longed for something to ride. We moved into the country no more than 3 years ago, and promptly started farming. Guess what was the first thing he started to ask for? You guessed it: a horse.

Obviously, the timing on acquiring a horse would have been very premature if we had done so then, because we were still renting (we only bought our current place 2 years ago). We've waited and waited and passed on opportunities, and Daniel (not the horse) has been chomping at the bit. Our children are only 6 and 4 years old and are just now starting to help and show an interest in what we do. The timing has been ripening, and we've sensed it. Plus, our daughter has had an obsession with horses since before she could say the word, so we agreed with her that we'd supply her with one someday if she would donate all birthday and Christmas money (til death do they part).

Yesterday, I was scrolling through craigslist as I do very frequently, when I stumbled across an ad for two horses. Often, I click on such ads just to look at the pretty pictures and show them to my daughter. However, this time, I sensed something different. This time, I actually felt the compulsion to contact the seller. "Well," I said to my husband,"How about if we know its from God if we get our tax return in the mail today?" Guess what came in the mail? You guessed it (that wasn't so hard, was it?)

Needless to say, we purchased two horses because they were sold as a pair and its perfect. One of them is a completely broken miniature that used to be in the pony rides at fairs and was in 4h projects. She's perfect for my daughter to learn to ride on, plus it'll be a joy to have our friend's children come to ride her. The other one was a gamble, but my heart went out to her. She is a 6 year old arab/halflinger cross that has been the 'baby' in the barn her whole life. She's good natured, but not broken. The minute I laid my eyes on her, though, I felt a connection similar to the one from when I was a little girl riding my grandpa's quarter horse named Easy (who, by coincidence was also a palomino mare like this one). I've researched, and have figured that breaking will take time, but should be possible. If I fail utterly, there are people who are paid to do this, or I could just sell her.

Now, I have people bombarding me with things like,"What were you thinking?" or "Do you have any idea what you're getting into?" or even worse things. I feel like I'm condemned to fail and I know that God didn't give me that feeling. Daniel is in full support and is even more excited than myself or the children. I wish a friend would be built for all seasons, not just the ones that don't rock the boat. My own EIB is twitching at this decision, and I cannot give a logical answer to those people who are asking me well-meaning but insulting questions.

What's the worst that could happen when you have both hands on Jesus and he puts desires in your heart that are hard to justify to men? I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find out!

" 'For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai (God),'plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. When you call to me and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you seek me, you will find me, provided you seek for me whole-heartedly; and I will let you find me,' says Adonai." -Jeremiah 20:11-12