Past Troubles and Future Hope

Job 11:12-18 says,"An empty man can gain understanding, even if he was born like a wild donkey. If you will set your heart right, if you will spread out your hands toward him, and not let unrighteousness remain in your tents, then when you lift up your face, there will be no defect; you will be firm and free from fear. For you will forget your misery; you'll remember it like a flood that passed through long ago; your life will be brighter than noon; even its darkness will be like morning. You will be confident, because there is hope; you will look around you and lie down secure."

The summer of 2008, we bought the home we're living in now. We moved all of our livestock from our home in Huntsburg to our new home here in Rome. We were settling in and loving it. Within a few weeks of purchasing our home, I also purchased 3 boer doe goats from a local Amish man. They were beautiful and looked very healthy. However, they were simply immune to the diseases they carried. In my disorder over having just moved, I didn't quarantine my animals.

About a month or so after bringing them home, my best milking goat became weak and anemic. She promptly died. Then my Alpine buck began scouring (diarrhea), so I took in a stool sample to a local veterinarian. A day later, he called and told me what I didn't want to hear: parasites. My herd was now infected with haemonchus contortus(or the barber pole worm). This nasty parasite matures rapidly and sucks blood from the inside of the animal resulting in anemia and rapid death. It also can lie dormant for MONTHS with no host!

That summer, I buried many animals. This parasite claimed the life or at least severely impaired more than half of my herd. Day after day, my husband and I worked into the night ministering fluids and wormers to our sick goats (amazingly, not one sheep became ill during this time, though!). Our farm began to look more like those old films depicting a town infected by a plague. What goats were healthy enough to be out on pasture again were still thin and frail. Some would wander out of the barn for a bite of grass just to collapse in death with that bite of grass yet unchewed in their mouth. I cried out to God many times to kill this parasite that was killing my herd I had put so much time and money and effort into. My prayers seemed to fall on deaf ears. Our pasture developed two sizeable burial mounds that readily accepted a new carcass every couple of days. We buried from July until the end of October.

Winter came with a vengeance that year. It was snowing and freezing very early. It was brutally cold and we had a constant battle with ice and freezing pipes. The pipes even became disjointed under our house and we were without any running water for weeks. I 'bathed' over the kitchen sink using melted snow in a kettle from the stove. Winter didn't end until the middle of April. Praise God for it! Do you know what that winter was? It was an answer to prayer! That winter was so cold that it killed off the parasites! If it had been mild, they might have lived. I have lost NOT ONE animal to parasites since the summer of 2008.

As in the passage from Job I posted at the beginning, I have become like an empty person with no understanding. Until I humble myself and make myself nothing, God will have a hard time filling me up with the things He wants to make in me. I have read all the farming books out there. I own many veterinary books on livestock. I've studied homesteading, legal raw milk distribution, tax breaks, you name it. Do you know what all of that is in the face of God? Chaff. Knowledge is chaff until you are an empty vessel waiting to be filled by God. No matter how self-important you are, no matter how rebellious, God can bring you to your knees if you let him. He is a good master. From that agonizing summer, I learned to not put too much energy into the farm. I learned that it's HIS farm anyway, and I'm just the steward. There is a verse in the gospel referencing this, in which Jesus calls himself the Good Shepherd and we are simply the hired help.

All misery from our circumstances will be washed away in time. May God grant you the peace He's instilled into me through this terrible lesson. May you be open enough to receive it and trust that no matter how painful it is, IT IS GOOD! I have learned to trust God no matter what and this is a gift I wish for all. I indeed can 'look around and lie down secure' because I know who is REALLY in charge all along!

Follow the Leader

So, what do you do when your heart and head pull in different directions? I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess everyone has had this dilemma. I tend to contradict myself a lot because I'm a tested left-brained individual, but I don't actually trust my mind to come up with the greatest conclusions. I know that I live in a material and immaterial world. Logic is not king.

One of my favorite writers, Harold Hill (seriously, check out his stuff), calls our brain the EIB, which stands for 'educated idiot box'...and he was a genius engineer guy! After he came to Jesus, he found that following his intellect could only get him to the top, and then what? He was miserable! Christianity gave him new-found life because he learned that his understanding was severely limited. Having one hand on the world (or ourselves, or people we love, or money, or whatever) and one hand on Jesus is a recipe for disaster that the Bible calls duplicity (being double-minded in all our ways).

Why do I bring this up? Because I had to kick my EIB into the ditch the other day...and what's worse, now I have to justify it to the people around me.

My husband grew up in the suburbs. He had a dream that probably only himself and his siblings knew about, and it was to be a 'christian cowboy' . We still don't fully know what that means, but since not even he can explain it, I'll assume it was a vision from the Lord given to his young boy heart. This manifested in the suburbs with a fascination with motorcycles. He has been without flesh or steel horse now for nearly a decade...but the man has still longed for something to ride. We moved into the country no more than 3 years ago, and promptly started farming. Guess what was the first thing he started to ask for? You guessed it: a horse.

Obviously, the timing on acquiring a horse would have been very premature if we had done so then, because we were still renting (we only bought our current place 2 years ago). We've waited and waited and passed on opportunities, and Daniel (not the horse) has been chomping at the bit. Our children are only 6 and 4 years old and are just now starting to help and show an interest in what we do. The timing has been ripening, and we've sensed it. Plus, our daughter has had an obsession with horses since before she could say the word, so we agreed with her that we'd supply her with one someday if she would donate all birthday and Christmas money (til death do they part).

Yesterday, I was scrolling through craigslist as I do very frequently, when I stumbled across an ad for two horses. Often, I click on such ads just to look at the pretty pictures and show them to my daughter. However, this time, I sensed something different. This time, I actually felt the compulsion to contact the seller. "Well," I said to my husband,"How about if we know its from God if we get our tax return in the mail today?" Guess what came in the mail? You guessed it (that wasn't so hard, was it?)

Needless to say, we purchased two horses because they were sold as a pair and its perfect. One of them is a completely broken miniature that used to be in the pony rides at fairs and was in 4h projects. She's perfect for my daughter to learn to ride on, plus it'll be a joy to have our friend's children come to ride her. The other one was a gamble, but my heart went out to her. She is a 6 year old arab/halflinger cross that has been the 'baby' in the barn her whole life. She's good natured, but not broken. The minute I laid my eyes on her, though, I felt a connection similar to the one from when I was a little girl riding my grandpa's quarter horse named Easy (who, by coincidence was also a palomino mare like this one). I've researched, and have figured that breaking will take time, but should be possible. If I fail utterly, there are people who are paid to do this, or I could just sell her.

Now, I have people bombarding me with things like,"What were you thinking?" or "Do you have any idea what you're getting into?" or even worse things. I feel like I'm condemned to fail and I know that God didn't give me that feeling. Daniel is in full support and is even more excited than myself or the children. I wish a friend would be built for all seasons, not just the ones that don't rock the boat. My own EIB is twitching at this decision, and I cannot give a logical answer to those people who are asking me well-meaning but insulting questions.

What's the worst that could happen when you have both hands on Jesus and he puts desires in your heart that are hard to justify to men? I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find out!

" 'For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai (God),'plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. When you call to me and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you seek me, you will find me, provided you seek for me whole-heartedly; and I will let you find me,' says Adonai." -Jeremiah 20:11-12

Gleaning Jesus(Yeah, You Got Some On You, So Please Share!)

Every day, I give grain to my livestock. I don't give the pelleted feed that looks like hamster food, though: I give the whole grains with kernels of corn and oats soaked in molasses (actually, if it wasn't so hard, I'd be tempted to chew on a bit myself). This grain rolls right off of our big plastic scooper in clumps and and plunks right into the....well, it's supposed to go right into the feeder, but that usually doesn't happen. You see, at feeding time, the animals swarm in a violent and furry pit. They fight and thrash for their portion. They hardly sit still with crossed hooves and wide, hopeful eyes bleating a polite,"Please, mum, is it time for breakfast?" No, it's very hard to get the feed to go where it's intended to go. It usually ends up getting dumped right on top of an animal.

For a long time, this frustrated me. I felt that this feed was getting wasted because a large portion would then slide off of their body and get trampled underfoot. I pay good money for this food, and they hardly seem grateful! Truly, someone should take the time to devise an economics course for sheep and goats---they've got a thing or two to learn.

In time, I began to notice what happened to the grain that got spilled onto the backs of my animals and really understand the full picture of what was going on. God is a perfect God and He hates waste as much as I do if not more. He doesn't really allow it in a full sense. The grain that gets trampled underfoot does not get eaten by my sheep or goats; they're too picky for that. As the furry mob dissipates, though, my poultry moves into the scene and pecks at the ground. The chickens can pick up a sliver of oat so narrow with their pointed beak, and a duck can dabble its wide bill in the thick bedding to pick up any loose pieces of corn. My poultry was gleaning! What the bumbling oafs left behind, they gleaned.

This alone would be satisfying, but no! God is bigger than satisfying! My sheep have thick hair on their backs (no, they do not have wool, though, it is just thick hair) and this thick hair catches grain in it. For a good half hour after I've fed them, they continue to feed each other. They stand in a circle and take turns eating off of each other's backs! They glean with their teeth and pull off the loose grains and at the same time, some other animal is doing the same to their back while another is....you get the picture. As soon as I saw this, I thought of the church: (bear with me on this) God pours out his abundance from above and we catch some on ourselves. We then share what God has poured out on us as we glean what He has poured on our brothers and sisters! Unity of the Spirit! The Community and Body of Christ! Such beauty!

Paul teaches in the Romans 12:13-16: " Share what you have with God's people and practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you-bless them, don't curse them! Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be sensitive to each other's needs- don't think yourselves better than others, but make humble people your friends."

I was so blessed with this that I knew I had to share it. I was immediately excited to go and share my abundance with others that I knew was sticking all over me with the sticky sweetness not of molasses but of the assurance of salvation in Christ. I wanted to share it and in turn glean the wholesome sweetness of Jesus from those around me. Hallelujah!

In the Beginning...God said,"I love you."

Did I ever tell you how we got into farming? Probably I did, because I can barely help myself but to tell the tale. God is good...and most certainly interesting.

When I was pregnant with Elisha, my firstborn, I had high blood pressure. My midwife insisted that I try to find a way to lower it naturally or they would need to induce me. I despaired and worried, which did not help my blood pressure. One day, though, I was listening to a christian radio program and they were interviewing a doctor that specialized in eating for your blood type. I knew I was an O, but I didn't know the significance of it. I ordered his books and soon began to eat for an O type. Immediately, I saw a difference, especially in energy levels and my blood pressure was normal enough to not be induced.

When I delivered my son, I continued to eat for my blood type, but began to have painful attacks in my back and chest (it took me more than 5 years to figure out it was gallstones; I thought it was a problem with my nerves and spine). I figured I was still not being strict enough in my diet, so I decided to get more hardcore about it. I read "The Maker's Diet" by Dr. Jordan Rubin and applied the principles. One of the things I read about was the importance of raw goat milk. As soon as I read it, I could have sworn I heard a chorus of angels rise and ring a bell named 'epiphany'. "Yeeessss!" they sang,"Yooouu neeeed gooooaaaat miiiiilllk!" (of course, I didn't REALLY hear this; please don't commit me). Of course, for a logical and practical person like myself, the natural conclusion was not to purchase such a product, but to produce it myself. I cannot explain it other than divine compulsion.

Not more than a week or two later, I was shopping in the grocery store with my baby boy and a strange lady approached my son. She leaned over him and smiled. Then she spoke some words I never forgot. She said,"You need a goat." Right....when was the last time that happened to you? Where are all the ladies who say,"What a cute baby," or "Aaaaw, enjoy him while he's little"?! No, I had to get the lady who prophesied about owning a goat.

From that day, I knew what I was supposed to do. It has actually become a destiny for me and I take it seriously.

Many people have the misfortune to wander aimlessly through life convinced that they're not actually being directed. I would argue this. I firmly believe that God is lingering at every corner we turn in our lives, whispering and sometimes yelling and often sending kooky prophets to speak His divine will for our lives. We must listen! Oh, listen, people: God is speaking to you at all times!!! He will not leave you! He will not forsake you! He will not leave you wondering and wandering about something so precious as your future! If he would come and speak to a lowly, disobedient person such as I was, then he will most assuredly speak to you.

Jesus says in John 10:26-29: "The reason you don't trust is that you are not included among my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice, I recognize them, they follow me, and I give them eternal life. They will absolutely never be destroyed, and no one will snatch them from my hands. My father, who gave them to me, is greater than all; and no one can snatch them from the Father's hands."

Understand, brothers and sisters, that if we have clean hands and a pure heart, God will lift us up and give us the desires of our hearts. Cast aside whatever is deafening you to the Shepherd's voice. Whatever it may be is not worth it. Only knowing His peace and experiencing His promises of life and spiritual protection and blessing is what makes life worth living. I am honored to serve a God of intimacy. Any of his servants share in that honor and I, in turn, am honored to call you brother and/or sister!

For Things Eternal

When I open my front door, and look out I see a road. It's a country road, but a country main route and you don't want to set up a lounge chair in the middle of it to take a nap. I'm sure it doesn't sound intimidating to most people, but a car drives by on average one per minute. That's enough for me! Enough people have had their barn cats flattened on this strip of road.

When I open my back door, the first thing I always tend to see is the sky. Here is where my insides become so alive that I could swear that every organ in my body has breath of its own and they all sigh in unison. There is so much sky that I have to turn my head from the right to the left to take it all in, all the while with my head tilted heavenward (and this just invites a lifting of the arms). Immediately in front of me is one of the largest willow trees in the area. It's creviced, gnarled branches twist and dance around each other and let their lovely tendrils hang. Then, straight back for about ten acres, is cleared land covered with contentedly munching ruminants that nary lift a head to swallow. In the center of the pasture is a pond filled with playful ducks quacking just as loud as they can just for the sheer pleasure of out-quacking each other. Often, a blue heron and some Canadian geese land for a while to fish or lay a clutch of eggs. Our land is surrounded by a treeline that literally hugs our property. In the warm weather when we get rain, there is consistently not one, but two rainbows encircling the sky overhead our home. On clear nights, especially in the winter, my husband and I just stand and gaze at the stars and say,"Wow...." How could a person say more? Nothing I say could add or subtract to the beauty.

Have I painted a picture of Eden? It is my Eden.

My purpose in writing this is because many people have come to visit my home and drink in the beauty like a hummingbird on a flower. They simply say,"Wow....." and often say no more. Occasionally, someone will say," I want to buy a home like this," or ,"Do you know how good you have it?" or even," This place makes me long for heaven." God has placed eternity in the hearts of men. Don't get caught up thinking your life has to be about slaving for 'the man' or acquiring gadgets. People lived a simple life like I do for many thousands of years. I mean, I even have indoor plumbing and electricity for pete's sake! There is an indisputable joy linked with providing things for yourself and not relying on systems devised by greedy men.

2 Peter 3:8-14 says,"Moreover, dear friends, do not ignore this: with the Lord, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like one day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some people think of slowness; on the contrary, he is patient with you; for it is not his purpose that anyone should be destroyed, but that everyone should turn from his sins. However, the Day of the Lord will come 'like a thief.' On that Day, the heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will melt and disintegrate, and the earth and everything in it will be burned up. Since everything is going to be destroyed like this, what kind of people should you be? You should lead holy and godly lives, as you wait for the Day of God and work to hasten its coming. That Day will bring on the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt from the heat; but we, following along with his promise, wait for new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness will be at home".

God gave us beauty on earth so that we would know that the carnal things of earth are not all that there is. There is glory. There is peace. There is a completion of all things left unanswered and unfinished here. Even my home, that inspires longing in some people's hearts, is deeply imperfect. Part of farming is life; part of it is death. We slaughter our animals, so there is a shedding of blood. When one of my ewes or does is in labor, there is obvious agony on her face. There is hunger and a fight for food. There is the labor involved with keeping things hygienic. There are thieves who steal from us. There are days with no rainbows, nights with no stars and sometimes our labor bears no fruit. I long for heaven. I long for God to make all things right.

Exposure

This morning when I went out to do chores, I found what nobody likes to see. My purebred Katahdin ewe decided to wander out of the warm barn at night and have her lambs OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SNOWY, FROZEN PASTURE!!! We even have run-in sheds out there, but she decided to avoid all forms of shelter and just be dumb. There, she delivered two large, healthy lambs onto a pile of snow and ice with a -5 degree wind chill.

Needless to say, the sight I encountered chilled my heart. One ram lamb had frozen solid to the ground and was most assuredly dead. The other one was still alive, but all of it's extremities were frozen stiff and it hadn't even been cleaned off very well. I scooped up the living lamb and rushed him inside. I wrapped him in towels and sat in front of the furnace with him. I rubbed and rubbed until he was dry and I had the circulation going well enough. Then I gave him some vitamins to stimulate his appetite. He was so weak, that I simply wrapped him in blankets and left him there until I was done with my other work.

I began to think of myself and my role as a mother...would I let my children die of exposure? I most certainly would not go out into the snow to give birth, what spiritual things do I expose them to that they are not strong enough to endure? There are many things in our harsh world that would seek to destroy a delicate life. The cold of our enemy and the cruelty of his appetite would love nothing more than to prey upon the most innocent and vulnerable of God's people. What can we do to fortify ourselves so that we do not expose ourselves to such elements?

Proverbs 25:28 says,"Like a city breached, without walls, is a person who lacks self-control." Not ruling our spirit is a key way to let our selves nearly die of exposure. When our defenses are not up, the enemy sees this and crawls all over us and does his utmost to destroy us. We need to guard ourselves and rule our spirits wisely. The Word of God reveals that only by relying on the precepts of God and the strength of his Holy Spirit can we withstand what our enemy rails against us.

"Blessed by Adonai, my rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle. He shows me grace; and he is my fortress, my stronghold, in whom I find shelter, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues my people under me. Adonai, what are mere mortals, that you notice them at all; humans that you think about them? Man is like a puff of wind, his days like a fleeting shadow." -Psalms 144:1-4

As the covering for my children, I need to teach them how to fight. I cannot let them be exposed to the danger of the enemy before they have been properly equipped. God doesn't do that to us, so I should not do that to them. As their trainer and leader, I will protect them and lead them to safe places. As a dumb ewe lays her wet newborns in the snow, some mothers leave their children to harmful influences. Dear God, give me the grace and wisdom and discernment to care when I don't want to and to teach when I don't like it and to love even when it hurts.

Dropping Kids

No, I am not abusive. But I did drop my kids. Confused? Don't be; it's just more silly goat raising terminology that makes outsiders scratch their heads and praise God that they don't farm.

To drop a kid is to give birth to it. It's an unfortunate word because most kids don't actually experience much 'air time' between mom and the ground. Besides , the kids never seem to regard their mother as unfit from the 'dropping'.

What is it we regard in our hearts? Whatever we nurture inside of ourselves, is going to 'drop'. As an umbilical cord feeds (almost like a parasite to a host) a something inside, so what we spend our time regarding is fed. If I spend my time regarding my finances, I nurture either a spirit of insecurity or self-sufficiency. If I spend my time regarding what hurtful things people say to me, I nurture self-consciousness. If I spend my time praising God, I, by default, have nurtured the Holy Spirit and therefore strengthened myself.

The 'something' inside of me reaches maturity, and then I 'drop' it. What is it? Did I just expose my insecurity or self-sufficiency? My self-consciousness? Or was it the work of the Holy Spirit inside of me? Dear God, help me to regard only your purity of thoughts! For a glass will spill what it contains and we shall surely drop what we carry when it comes to fruition!

"Go and talk like a King's Kid, and walk like one, and see the kingdom of heaven come forth right before your very eyes. The sick will be healed, the dead raised, the demons will leave the premises. Christians are made out of pagans, and from the ungodly, the scoffers and the scorners will become our fruit. Hallelujah!" - Harold Hill, 'How to Live In High Victory'

Christ died to give us profusely something worthwhile to be nurtured inside of ourselves. As Mary, the mother of Jesus, experienced the very breath of God impregnate her, the Holy Spirit can thusly 'impregnate' us with His Word. May it grow as I willingly feed it so it may become large enough and strong enough to come forth and carry out the will of the Lord. Nothing better can come from me but the Word and power of the Lord! Drop that!