My Wedding Ring

The work I do has had a devastating effect upon my wedding ring. Anymore, I cannot wear it. When I milk my goats, my ring pinches painfully as I squeeze. When I sit to rest, chickens inevitably are drawn to the metallic shine of it and peck at my finger. It is tarnished, dented, and misshapen. When first purchased, it was a lovely sterling silver that had the words "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" engraved into it. Anymore, the letters are mashed and filled with little unidentifiable foreign objects that obscure the message.

Such things are bound to happen as life is filled with work, difficulties, and strife. At times, the ring itself was a good metaphor of the state of our marriage. Sin and strife left our relationship tarnished, dented, and misshapen.

Keeping our hearts in love with each other is a project at times. I cannot just "take off" my marriage as I've done with the ring. How do you just put on and take off a person?! Life has assailed the state of my marriage same as it's done my ring. I can break my ring...but can I break my word? I promised to love, honor, and obey my husband forever. Until one of us is swept up to be claimed as Christ's bride, we are each other's spouse.

A covenant is like a living thing; the elephant in the bedroom, if you will. According to the Bible, a covenant stands as a witness between the involved parties. So no matter how battered and bruised your relationship is, the covenant will hold you accountable to itself. As fearsome as that sounds, it is also meant to be a source of comfort, because it is a living, inextinguishable thing. It is something you can place hope into. Like God Himself, it will not move even when the people do.

Oh, but to labor to honor a person who hurts you can be wearisome, can it not? I remember a time when my husband and I were perhaps at our most distant, and I drove the car around town in the middle of night aimlessly. I had a burning anger in my heart because I felt as if God had planted me in a situation in which it was impossible to be content. My heart had left not only my family, but my God. Then, ever so clearly, the Lord spoke to me and said: "I have not abandoned your husband and I have not abandoned you. Who are you to abandoned who I have not? Are you greater than me?" Appropriately shamed, I returned home and took up my cross again.

"Think about Him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you won't grow tired or become despondent." -Hebrews 12:3

Though there may not be any hope for my pathetic, dirty little ring...there is hope for what it symbolizes. I am eternally bound to the man I pledged myself to. Better yet, God has eternally pledged Himself as the rear guard to our covenant with each other. Our covenant will be honored and we will weather the storms...together.

(a poem)

Sometimes, all I have is hope--
As attached to my soul
As my foot is to my body.

Sometimes, when the floor sinks
And the walls cave in,
My very soul grows cloudy.

When I find I stand on nothingness
And no one's around to help,
I call upon my best resource--hope.

Growing tall from my heart (like a tree);
And branches intertwining, undistinguished--
Drawing forth my ability to cope.

From the tangled branches sprout leaves
To gather warmth from where they can,
To choke out the coldness within me.

My tree grows from the dirt in my life
And the rocks I fall upon;
No one understands, but I'd die without my tree.

"I waited patiently for Adonai, till he turned toward me and heard my cry. He brought me up from the roaring pit, up from the muddy ooze, and set my feet on a rock, making my footing firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will look on in awe and put their trust in Adonai." -Psalm 40:1-3

I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. Like my ring, my marriage has received it's share of blows. Idols had to be torn down in the name of Christ and holiness. Many idols could be found by looking in the mirror. I share my stories of pain and defeat because that is not the end. I haven't "ended up" anywhere yet, but I can tell you where I'm going. I am headed toward the things of God. The wear on my marriage is now my story of victory because God has made all things new.